How To Support The Trombonist In Your Family if You Are Broke
When we hear about “supporting” someone, it usually comes down to money, and it can be a real bummer to feel like you can’t support because discretionary money is tight. Maybe you’re the cool cousin or young uncle or aunt who is barely scraping by, but you want to find ways to support the musician in your life in other ways besides “here’s a gift card to Guitar Center” that you can’t afford. Here are some thoughts!
1. Ask them about their work, and get yourself into a headspace where you can focus on listening to their answers without judgement. Make eye contact. If you’re genuinely intrigued by something, ask them to explain it further. Sometimes musician’s minds think differently, and the things that make sense to you make zero sense to them, and vice versa. Listen to understand! Most of us have been through this drill with many people, and we can tell when the person listening doesn’t care, understand, or agree.
2. If they have social media for their practicing, like an Instagram practice account, follow it, listen and watch, and like the video. You don’t need to comment, but sometimes getting a like from outside of their normal musical ecosystem can be a real encourager. Plus, you might start to see their talent and hard work shining through.
3. If they have to be gone from the holiday time for a gig, be the family member that tells them that you wish the could be there, but that you also understand why they can’t be here. Sometimes the Christmas Eve gig that pays $1500 can make the difference to their bottom line, and part of maturing is putting aside what you want temporarily for something you need. Be the family member that makes room for their choices. They will never forget it!
4. Offer to be the person they can call when they are driving back from gigs. Those long drives on dark interstate highways can go by so much more quickly if you are also up late and want to chat when they are in the car. A simple “hey, call me any time you are on the road and want to chat” can be the coolest thing we hear. Most normal people are in bed when we’re just getting loaded up to leave from the gig!
5. When they experience a bad beat - an audition goes poorly or work dries up, they will likely complain if they feel like they can trust you. This is not the time to offer work outside of the field, because the musician is likely to interpret that as “I don’t think you’re cut out to do this. Here is a totally different job instead.” YES, I know it’s meant to be helpful. YES, they may have no other lifelines that can help. But knowing they have someone to talk to in the immediate aftermath of a bad day can make all the difference. We are more resilient than you think, but many of us process out loud.
There are many ways to support the musician in your life when money is tight. These are just some ideas that can help during the upcoming busy gig season. If you take nothing else away from this, remember to “listen to understand” and in time, they really will start to make more sense to you! Good luck!