It isn’t what you think.
I have had many people come to me through the years for advice and counsel. I listen and offer my thoughts, and if they want, a plan of action for moving forward. I think I’m pretty good at helping others because I lead with kindness. They are people that I care about, and I believe they deserve to be seen in the most positive light possible. They ask for my help, and they deserve my best! I hope I’ve made a difference for them.
I have the most patient, wonderful wife in the world. I have seen her be kind to those who have not been kind to her over and over again. Very few things make her visibly angry, but one thing she absolutely cannot stand is how I sometimes talk about myself. Let’s just say that kindness isn’t always the leader in those conversations. Do any of these sound familiar?
“I don’t play well enough…”
“They have no idea who I am, so why would I bother them with…”
“So-and-so is way better at (fill in the blank skill) than I am, so why should I even try?”
”Who would pay a dime to hear me play?”
Sound familiar? I hope that it doesn’t, but I bet that to some degree, you feel my pain.
I’m sure that everyone does this to some degree, especially in the arts. It is a highly competitive space, and we are constantly in a state of informal assessment. However, when our self-assessments become more about us than what we create, it serves no one…unless you enjoy serving those waiting to see you fail. (a topic for another day)
We need to guard against this unhealthy pattern by building each other up, and we need to start TODAY. The next time you call yourself lazy or weak or awful, stop and ask yourself, “Is this criticism is about the music or is it about me? Would I say these awful things to someone who comes to me for help? Even if they are true, can I find a kinder way to phrase what I’m saying?”
I am deeply convicted that this “love myself’ headspace has been the single biggest deficiency in my music-making (and maybe my whole life) for 20+ years. Let’s work on this together!
If you found this helpful, please give it a share!